I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
