Screwed.edu
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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