we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
