Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Still dying that you shit outside
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
