Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
