I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
