she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
