awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
