in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
