Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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