I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
