He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
