I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
