So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
