I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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