So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
