If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
