how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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