Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
