I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
