my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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