his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
