I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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