My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
