i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
