Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
