it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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