somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
