I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i barfeds in our rink
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
