And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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