I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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