So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
