eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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