paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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