I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
