We're like a lot better than the average bears
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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