Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
