he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
