yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
