he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
