weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
