I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
