Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
