Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How's work?
Spinning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
