Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
