Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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