the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i now understand why vodka
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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