the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
