You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the day after is always just damage control
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Mom said you looked used
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
