if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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