we're chasing vodka with high fives
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
