I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
