I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
