instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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