you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
