I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
