I feel like I'm in dance class right now
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
